As the year nears its end, I have a backlog of interviews to get through, because, yes, I have been slacking. Today, we’re talking to Elysabeth Williams, author of DEVIL IN A RED KILT. If you hang around Twitter, you may know her as CheekyWench, or “cheeky weeky,” as I used to call her. You all know that my interviews are a little off-kilter (ha ha), so, let’s get to it:
1.) Have you ever ridden a donkey to the bottom of the Grand Canyon? Would you want to?
No, I’ve never ridden anything to the bottom of the Grand Canyon. I flew over it a couple of times on my way back and forth to Vegas, but I doubt that counts. I don’t foresee returning that way by flight either because of the TSA fiasco. So, it’s possible I may ride a donkey to Vegas from my house. I’ll keep you posted.
2.) Have you ever seen those clips on that Funniest Videos show where there are, like, three people on one of those big porch swings and it breaks on the backswing? Do you think those people ever get hurt, and should we really be laughing at them?
Yes I have seen them and though initially I laugh, I tend to feel bad for them for a few seconds. I know that had to hurt something. Then again, I wonder why they always seem to put the three or four biggest (or oldest) people ON those swings with a camera around. Maybe it’s fake? A conspiracy? :: dons tinfoil hat::
3.) If someone offered to make you a balloon animal, what would you ask for?
A brown Teletubby with a top hat and a monocle. (*Note: Elysabeth and I had a conversation recently about how, even though she writes about men in top hats and monocles, she does not dress like Mr. Peanut when she writes)
4.) If you were walking down the sidewalk and tripped on a crack and fell, would you get up and pretend like it never happened, or would you do one of those Peter Griffin knee-holding ow-s?
Having been a victim of sidewalk cracks before, I can honestly say it depends on who saw me. If I suspect I’m not being watched (or snickered at like a girl who just fell from a swing on AFV) I’d get up and slink off. If I’ve been spotted, I’m going to milk it like a basketball player milks a foul. Wait, I have a third answer, if I’m DRUNK, then I’ll roll around and laugh hysterically, much to the dismay of my husband.
5.) If you could be any Pokemon, which one would you be?
Eh… um… I have no clue.
6.) Have you ever egged someone’s house? Did you get caught?
No, I haven’t egged someone’s house. I did throw a pack of bologna on an old red porche once during a summer. Icky acidic black polka dots, people. No, I wasn’t caught. Jerky neighbor figured out he shouldn’t
piss off the neighbor kids. We were evil.
7.) Have you ever spun around in one of those big Gravitron deals? (They’re like big gyroscopes that you stand in and whirl around.) Would you, if you haven’t? Did it make you sick, if you did?
No, I haven’t been in one, and I tend to get vertigo doing “ring around the rosy’ with the kids – I’ll pass.
8.) What’s the best vacation you’ve ever been on?
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. I went to Scotland and England back in the late 1990′s. We were so broke. But we survived (much to the thanks of BP station’s ramen noodles and pringles) and the help of my companion’s brother who was stationed in England. I learned tons.
9.) What’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to you at a petting zoo?
An Alpaca spit right in my face. I used to want one until that thing got all cocky with me. (well, not cocky, but spitty.)
10.) If you could have one thing for Christmas/your birthday/some gift-giving holiday, what would it be?
A hundred billion dollars!
And, there, my friends, we have Elysabeth Williams. Her book DEVIL IN A RED KILT is available now!!! Thank you, Cheeky Weeky, for the fabulous interview!