New interview! This time, I’ve got zombie cupid Stacey Graham (aka Erma ??? yeah, I don’t know), author of The Zombie Dating Guide, and “Eye of the Beholder” (featured in the zombie romance anthology Hungry For Your Love, releasing September 28, 2010 and in the zombie-themed Christmas anthology, The Undead That Saved Christmas, where elves doo-doo that voodoo they do so well, in “And To All a Good Fright.”)
SSM: You once told me that you used zombies as cheap labor in making cupcakes. How do you get them to do it, and don’t they get flakes of skin and finger(nails) and stuff in the batter? How much do you pay them? What do they spend their money on?
SG: We adhere to stringent FDA rules about hairnets and shoes while baking. I once found an entire set of toes in a batch headed to a bar mitzvah so now I do the finger-in-the-cupcake trick before they get frosted. No one is the wiser and I don’t get complaints of my cupcakes tasting of toe jam anymore. It’s a win-win.
I pay the zombies the usual: I let them live in my basement plus a small stipend. For a special treat, I let them chase the neighborhood children on holidays. Zombies enjoy spending their money on the things we Living do: fast cars, cheap hookers and booze. If there’s any left, I roll them while they sleep and pay them the same wage in the next paycheck.
SSM: SpongeBob or Patrick?
SG: Patrick is the lovechild of Scott Browne and myself so I’m going with my maternal instincts here. Plus, we share the same wardrobe. I enjoy sitting around under the sea topless in a pair of board shorts as well.
SSM: Did you play any sports in high school and/or college?
SG: Does dating the football and lacrosse team count as “playing?” I wouldn’t say I was easy, let’s just say I was picked first for everyone’s team. 
SSM: Can you solve the Rubik’s Cube?
SG: I tried Rubik’s Sphere once. That didn’t work out well so I moved onto Leroy’s Trapezoid. I almost lost a finger with that one. Can’t fool me again, Mattel.
SSM: If you could visit any place in the world/galaxy, where would you go?
SG: Jeremy Shipp’s attic. That clown owes me money.
Undead Fred and his mouthpiece, Stacey Graham, can be found staggering at The Zombie Dating Guide [http://zombiedatingguide.com] and betwixt and between [http://staceyigraham.com] generally being a nuisance to people with zombie dating tips and general nonsense. Stacey’s short story, Eye of the Beholder, is featured in the zombie romance anthology Hungry For Your Love, releasing September 28, 2010, and in the zombie-themed Christmas anthology, The Undead That Saved Christmas where elves doo-doo that voodoo they do so well in And To All a Good Fright.
THANKS, STACE!!!!! Wooo!
