Flash forward ten years. Jeremy has moved ahead by leaps and bounds in both his personal life and his career. I interviewed this older Jeremy today, and thought you might enjoy it.
1.) You’ve always been a family man. How old are your kids now? Are they gnomes, like you?
My twins are gnome/mermaid/clown hybrids, and they are, for the most part, seven years old. However, they have 25-year-old beards. Gnomic beards start growing early. Very early.
2.) Speaking of gnomes, are you still a gnome yourself? Has your hat changed color over the years? How many gnomes live in your garden?
During the Attic Clown War of 2015 I was bitten by a rabid clown and came down with a rather bad and hilarious case of giggle fever. I ate nothing but rubber chicken noodle soup for the next three months. However, even the soup didn’t manage to save me from the microscopic clowns bouncing around in my bloodstream. The clowns ended up in my brain, and through coercion and Vaudevillian humor, they managed to convince my entire body that I was a clown. And so my DNA restructured itself. And that’s why I’m now a gnome/attic clown hybrid. My gnomic hat is now white with rainbow polka dots, and I’m the only gnome in the neighborhood these days. My gnomic buddies do come to visit from time to time, but the visits are rather awkward because I usually end up trying to devour their souls.
3.) How is the Attic Clown? Does he still reside in your attic, or has he moved on?
Soon after the War of 2015 ended, the Attic Clown fell in love with a yard gnome named Lilli. He didn’t have a heart to contain his love, and so his feelings ran wild throughout his body, which caused him a great amount of pain. And so, the Attic Clown left my attic in search of a heart. Two years later, he managed to find a suitable heart in a box of Boo Berry Cereal in the town of Chortleville, Oregon. After the Attic Clown returned to my attic, he was heartbroken to learn that Lilli had married a Gargoyle named Brittle Boy. In a state of utter despair, the Attic Clown then journeyed to the center of the earth, where he became the King of the Mole People. Two years later, a letter arrived at the Mole Palace, informing the King that it wasn’t Lilli who’d married Brittle Boy, but her twin sister Silli. And so, the Attic Clown abandoned the Moles before the peace negotiations with the Giant ants were completed, and the Moles were all killed days later. Meanwhile, the Attic Clown returned to the attic and married Lilli. The Attic Clown and Lilli now have many children who are clown/gnome hybrids, and their children and my children get along splendidly, except during full moons when my children become were-ducks. But that’s a whole other story.
4.) How many Pokèmon do you own? What kind are they?
In 2019, I managed to collect all 11,384,093 Pokèmon, but a couple months after that, a pair of were-ducks devoured each and every one of them, which spoiled their dinner. That was the last time I let Brittle Boy babysit my children. He’s a nice enough gargoyle, but he doesn’t know the first thing about enforcing Pokèmon-based boundaries.
5.) Do you have one of those new flying cars? They sure eat up a lot of electricity – how do you feel about that?
My family flies around on a Chortlevillian Mold Dragon. I do think it’s sad that flying cars use up so much electricity, but it would be hypocritical for me to complain about anyone else’s transportation choices since my Dragon eats at least 150 people a day.
6.) Where did you move to when California fell into the ocean?
My wife and children are part mermaid, so we didn’t have to move when California became New Atlantis. I don’t have any mermaid in me, so I’m still acclimating to my new environment. Once I learn how to survive without breathing, I should be fine. Brittle Boy is giving me lessons.
7.) Are you still a vegan?
Two years after California became New Atlantis, the Attic Clown became King of Atlantis, and he negotiated a peace treaty with Neptune. Now that the war between the mermaids of the fish is over, the fish are required to swim into the mouths of Atlantean citizen whenever we’re hungry. And so, it’s quite difficult to be vegan in New Atlantis, as the fish keep swimming into my mouth whenever I yawn or gasp or air. I usually manage to spit them out, but I’m not always successful.
8.) You are quite the busy writer, churning out at least two books a year. Which is your favorite? How many awards have you racked up?
My favorite book of mine has to be Screaming in Silence: the Life and Times of Marty the Mime. This was, of course, my most serious book. The story even made Brittle Boy cry, and he doesn’t even have any tear ducts. I have over 100 awards at this point. Ever since the Attic Clown obtained a heart, he’s felt really horrible about infecting me during the War of 2015, and so he gives me at least twenty Atlantean literary awards every year.
9.) How do you feel about all books being computer files? Do you miss real, paper books?
I miss paper books almost as much as I miss oxygen. And I truly despise the fact that all books are computer files. Even after all these years, they still haven’t made a Kindle that works underwater.
10.) What is the biggest surprise you’ve experienced over the last decade?
I was quite surprised that the publication of Screaming in Silence sparked the Great Mime War of 2020. Who would have guessed that the clowns, gnomes, mermaids, gargoyles, fish and giant ants would have teamed up to defeat the Great Mime Empire? And who would have thought that the war would be won thanks to a pair of adorable were-ducks and their army of Pokèmon ghosts? I’m a happy writer these days, but I’m an even happier father.
Thank you Future Jeremy, for time-traveling back to update us on your life’s progress.
As you likely know, Jeremy is a frequent guest here on my blog (which I greatly appreciate). Check out his blog http://jeremycshipp.com/
Jeremy C. Shipp is the Bram Stoker nominated author of books such as Cursed,Vacation, and Fungus of the Heart. His shorter tales have appeared or are forthcoming in over 50 publications, the likes of Cemetery Dance, ChiZine, Apex Magazine, Pseudopod, and Withersin. Jeremy enjoys living in Southern California in a moderately haunted Victorian farmhouse called Rose Cottage. He lives there with his wife, a couple of mighty cats, and a legion of yard gnomes. The gnomes like him. The clowns living in his attic–not so much.
