Hey, check it out, the Attic Clown is baaaaaack! >:-D
Since I’ve been away on vacation, I’m having a hard time getting back up to speed, catching up on homework, my WIP, personal junk, etc., etc. So, what did I do? I asked someone to write a guest post for my blog, and he so graciously said yes. THANKS, JEREMY!!!!
So, it is with great pleasure that I present a guest post written by Jeremy C. Shipp, featuring the Attic Clown.
Are You Chicken?
By Jeremy C. Shipp
I woke up in the attic this morning, tied to a throne made of multicoloredCare Bear skulls. Here’s what happened:
Attic Clown: Thank you for joining us today on Are You Chicken? This is the game show that’s so funny, you’ll laugh yourself to death or die trying. The rules are simple. Answer every one of my questions correctly, or else I’ll use my magic giggle to transform you into a rubber chicken and then you’ll serve as my minion for the rest of eternity. Do you understand?
Jeremy: Please let me—
Attic Clown: Question one. What’s funnier? A ton of bricks or a ton of feathers?
Jeremy: I don’t know! Now would you please let me—
Attic Clown: Correct! No one knows which is funnier. Scientific studies have proven that bricks are hilarious because you can throw them at people’s heads and force them to make silly faces, and feathers are hilarious because you can tickle people until their psyches implode. But for now, even the top scientific clown minds can’t discern which is more amusing. Question two. Can I peel off all your skin and fold it into an origami hippo?
Jeremy: No! You can’t—
Attic Clown: Correct! I only know how to make a swan. Question three. What should you do if you see an attic clown devouring the soul of a yard gnome?
Jeremy: Help! Help!
Attic Clown: Correct! It’s impolite to let an attic clown eat alone. Question four. What was the last book that you read.
Jeremy: Let me go!
Attic Clown: Close enough! The last book I saw you reading was Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro . Question five. Why do you write?
Jeremy: For the love of all that’s good in the world, please—
Attic Clown: Correct! Congratulations, Jeremy! You’re a winner! Attic Clown, please tell Jeremy what he’s won.
Attic Clown: Jeremy has won the most precious thing in the world. His freedom! And not only will we release him, we’ll also move out of his attic and never bother him again.
Attic Clown: That’s right! Of course, instead of these fabulous prizes, you could choose what’s behind door number one. What’s your decision, Jeremy?
Jeremy: I want—
Attic Clown in Jeremy’s voice: Door number one!
Attic Clown: Alrighty, let’s open up the door to the rubber chicken coop, and see what you’ve won!
Jeremy: Oh no…
Attic Clown: There’s no reason to be in such a fowl mood, Jeremy. I promise you’ll have an eggcellent time as one of my minions. So stop looking so shell-shocked and buck up!
I forgot to add, read more about (Bram Stoker Award nominee author of CURSED, VACATION, and SHEEP & WOLVES, not to mention about a zillion short stories) Jeremy and his awesome stories here: Jeremy C. Shipp, writer guy