Happy Halloween, People!
I have a special interview today with our favorite guest, Jeremy C. Shipp. I sincerely hope you’re not drinking anything as you read because if you are, your computer could suffer some damage.
So, if you’re ready, here we go (again). Enjoy!
S: What’s the worst thing you ever got while trick-or-treating? (And don’t say the bubonic plague or the severed head of a garden gnome or anything – I know you.)
J: The severed head of a garden…I mean…um…candy corn. Oh, and someone once gave me an apple. I love apples and all, but this one ended up transmogrifying into a demonic Johnny Appleseed and he made fun of my costume.
S: Let’s talk about where candy corn comes from. I know we talked about it being the eggs of cob demons, but could you explain that a little bit for those who don’t know the evil origins of that most horrid Halloween treat?
J: The first cob demon was spawned two hundred years ago on Halloween night, during a full moon, at the witching hour, on an Indian burial ground. A man named Tommy carelessly tossed his half-eaten corncob on the ground, and this act of littering angered the corn gods so much that they created a cob demon destined to torture mankind. By now, there are thousands of cob demons roaming the Earth, producing tons of candy corn every Halloween. Once devoured, these eggs hatch in the psyche of human beings, and force people to have corny nightmares.
S: Being a vegan, what kind of stuff do you eat on Halloween? Rocks? (You could always go trick-or-treating with Charlie Brown. Maybe he’d even lend you his ghost costume with all those holes cut into it.)
J: Rocks rock! Every year I visit the home of Pyornkrachzark (the Rockbiter from The Neverending Story), and they give out the most delicious limestone this side of the Mississip, which is a Vegan restaurant in San Diego. Last year, Charlie Brown gave me all of his rocks in exchange for an exploding football.
S: Speaking of Halloween costumes, what are you planning to dress up as this year?
J: I want to dress up as Tommy Wiseau, but I’m afraid the demonic Johnny Appleseed would make fun of me. So I’ll probably just dress up as Buddy from Charles in Charge instead.
S: You write a lot of dark and scary stuff. What really scares you? Like, what would totally make you freak out and hide under the bed or run screaming from your house?
J: I’d probably run screaming if I was confronted by a monster made out of a hundred babies. Also, mold freaks me out a bit.
S: Who’s scarier: Michael Myers or Jason Voorhees?
J: Mike Myers. The Love Guru was a truly frightening film. But seriously, I’d have to choose Michael Myers. That William Shatner mask freaks me out.
S: Has a book or horror film ever made you throw up?
J: American Psycho made me throw up a little in my mouth, and the film Martyrs made me sick to my stomach for a fortnight. That’s one movie I regret watching, just because it disturbed me more than an attic clown slumber party.
S: Where is the scariest place you’ve ever been?
J: An attic clown slumber party. Other than that, the scariest place I’ve ever been was a parking lot where a guy ran toward our car, pointing a gun at me and my family. Also, working on the roof of my house terrified me to tears. I’m afraid of heights, and Victorian roofs.
S: Do you think bats are creepy? I mean, they could be kind of cute, if you just looked at their bodies and their little bat faces, but, omg, those wings…! So, creepy or cute?
J: Bats are creepy adorable. I love every bat except for the vampiric balloon animal variety because they often drink so much of my blood that they pop and stain my clothes.
S: Do you find the idea of the tooth fairy scary? He/she does sneak into houses at night, via some unknown means, and enters children’s bedrooms, daring to (presumably) touch their heads. Do you think he/she keeps a lock of each child’s hair and makes a big nest out of it or something?
J: According to my yard gnome buddies, the tooth fairy mafia monopolized the tooth industry about two hundred years ago. The mafia is composed of hundreds of tooth faries, many of whom pose as human dentists during the day. With teeth, you can buy almost anything in magical society. For instance, the Easter Bunny gives out pastel-colored medicines in exchange for teeth or Easter eggs.
S: Who is the scariest person you know? What makes them scary?
J: I think I’m the scariest person I know. What kind of person would want to dress up as Tommy Wiseau? Yikes!
S: Do you like the big theatrical haunted houses (i.e., the Queen Mary)? What’s the best/worst haunted house you’ve ever been to?
J: I love haunted houses and mazes of every sort. I love the cheesy carnival rides with cardboard skeletons. I love Disney’s Haunted Mansion and Knott’s Halloween Haunt. My favorite haunted house, though, has to be the one my dad helped me and my brothers build in the backyard when I was a kid.
S: Who would win in a cage match: Marilyn Manson or Trent Reznor?
J: Trent Reznor, unless we’re talking about a dragon cage, in which the dragon would win.
S: You’ve mentioned to me that consuming gummiberry juice makes you freak out. What exactly do you mean by that?
J: When I drink Gummiberry Juice, I dress up as Mayor McCheese and I run around in circles, positive that I’ll eat my own head if I don’t run fast enough. Then I ride a unicycle on my roof, weeping and singing the theme song from Charles in Charge. I collect my tears in a mason jar. Eventually, I add food coloring to my tears and use the colored liquid to make Easter eggs, which I use to buy pastel-colored Pepto-Bismol from the Easter Bunny.
S: Can you come and empty my dishwasher?
J: I would fly over to your home and do that for you, but my dragon’s suffering from indigestion after eating a couple of weird guys on pay-per-view. I’d give my dragon some medicine, but I ran out of Gummiberry Juice.
And, there you have it, Jeremy’s Halloween blog stop. I hope you enjoyed it.
Thank you, as always, Jeremy. You’re the best interview in town and I’m honored that you chose my blog for your Halloween stop.
If you want to find out more about (Bram Stoker Award nominated, author of CURSED, VACATION, SHEEP & WOLVES, and FUNGUS OF THE HEART, not to mention a bazillion short stories, and teacher of an on-line writing course) Jeremy, you can visit his website at http://jeremycshipp.com/onlinestories.htm or follow him on Twitter at @JeremyCShipp.
One Response to “HAPPY HALLOWEEN!”
October 31st, 2010 at 3:57 am | edit
Best interview I’ve read in ages although I’m surprised that there was no mention of Peter Jackson’s “Dead Alive.” Pure gross out factor puts it at the top of my list of totally creepy movies.
Did you know that if you plant candy corn under a full moon, with a garden gnome nearby, every third one sprouts into those candy pumpkins that taste just like the candy corn.
October 31st, 2010 at 4:05 am | edit
That made me laugh . You guys work well together. Like two kernels in a candy corn
October 31st, 2010 at 8:15 am | edit
You have now confirmed my theory on gummiberry juice. This is obviously expert testimony. Happy Halloween!
October 31st, 2010 at 12:25 pm | edit
An attic clown slumber party! Woot!! Wondering what consuming whole gummyberries– as opposed to the juice– would do.
Funny interview! Happy Halloween
October 31st, 2010 at 12:28 pm | edit
That wasn’t a demonic Johnny Appleseed. That was your dad. Sorry to break the bad news. :/
October 31st, 2010 at 12:49 pm | edit
You think you have problems. I asked my bro to pick up candy corn for me & he got Indian corn. INDIAN corn. It has chocolate. It doesn’t taste like candy corn. One gets virtually no rush of nostalgia from consuming it. And besides, my other Halloween candy has now circled their wagons & the Indian corn is launching little corn arrows at them. I think I saw this in a John Wayne movie once.
October 31st, 2010 at 1:06 pm | edit
Tommy Wiseau, why didn’t I think of that!
October 31st, 2010 at 8:37 pm | edit
Soooooo can I have all your candy corn… erm demonic cob eggs then?
October 31st, 2010 at 8:38 pm | edit
He knows the rock biter’s name! Next year, I’m handing out candy from a home made Pyornkrachzark in my front yard. Well, Prolly not. But we can dream.
October 31st, 2010 at 8:56 pm | edit
Didn’t listen! Kept drink in hand while I read your blog…blackberry wine out the nose onto the iPad…thanks for the chuckle